my two and a half months love affair

Love affair with my own thoughts.
It was fun to know you and to really attempt to even dream of having a husband and a future with you.
I guess one thing I can learn from all this is to listen to my peoples when they are warning me. For me even though i heard all the warnings, i wont really learn until i experience a bit of it myself. so i put my feet in the water, tested the water and see how things can be. It wasn't pretty. I didnt feel right. It was as if I already knew God kept on saying no but I just kept on going about it with my own thoughts and feelings. I wasn't completely surrendering to God what I was worrying about.
I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry if i caused you pain in anyway. I'm just sorry it got to this point but one thing I'm not sorry about is that I got to know you. EVen if you don't want to be my friend for now it's fine... i know eventually we'll learn to get to that point. ALl kinds of emotions are in the way right now and this time apart is for the best. It's really giving me an opportunity to find clarity, peace, and wisdom from GOd day in and day out.
ALl those late nite talks on the phone, late nite hang outs at dennys, i'll miss it. It doesn't matter now. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It's not the end of the world. THis is just one phase in our life where God is teaching us to trust and Hold on to HIs words and not our emotions.

If i say I love GOd than I must completely obey HIm. I'll throw my arms up and completely and recklessly abandon evry dream that I ever came up with and let His dream for me come to pass.

I can't say i didnt warn you.. I told you i can hurt you, be mean to you.. but you still wanted to go on with it.
Now that it ends i really hope you see that this is the best. I hope one day you'll see that I did this for our own good. It doesn't matter that you don't like me very much right now cause i know you wont stay mad at me for long...

I guess if I poor out my emotions and give it all out to you, eventually i'll have to give my all to you but that's one thing that I can't do at the moment. so this hurts right now but GOd will heal it.. I have to trust Him now cause running away from Him aint fun. I already know in my heart what i need to do.

I guess there's nothing else to say other than I hope that you'll find your way into God's arm. I can't do anything else for you to show that I care for you.

I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's song and I thought this would fit to our situation to a certain degree. It made me laugh and some parts like "my life would suck without you" just kind of reminded me of how I am feeling right now.

Kelly Clarkson - “My Life Would Suck Without You” Lyrics

Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again

Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye (maybe... I don't know)
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues (I know this is true)
But you’re pretty messed up too (.. but this is even more true for you... hehe)

Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you (so nott TRUUUEE)
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestlyMy life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional (exactly how i feel right about now)
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go (hey i have to even though it's hard if i want to continue on with my recovery process)

Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow (only in marriage will we be truly United so.. I surrender)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you


<3....e>