heard this song while at school on Pandora.
By Plain White Tees
Friday night's such a beautiful night
Where you going?
I didn't mean to blow it
You're upset, I don't know what I said
But I'm sorry
Don't you give up on me
Take off your jacket
Don't walk out that door
You and me
We should be
Making a memory whenever we're together, yeah
Look at meCan't you se
eWe were meant to be
Making a memory
Don't pretend you're not smiling again
Let's just leave it
You know I didn't mean it
Don't know why we put up such a fight
Over nothing
When we could still be something
Take off your jacket
Don't walk out that door
There's no need to leave anymore, yeah
You and me
We should be
Making a memory whenever we're together, yeah
Look at me
Can't you see
We were meant to be
Making a memory
Can't do this myself
No, I need some help
Wanted some help
Friday night's such a beautiful night
Now you're staying
You and me We should be
Making a memory whenever we're together, yeah
Look at me
Can't you see
We were meant to be
Making a memory
Friday night's such a beautiful night (making a memory)
Now you're saying(Making a memory)
Don't know why we put up such a fight (making a memory)
Over nothing(Making a memory)
Heard this song, and i just thought it had a good tune. Plain white Tees. I remember them, they played at cpp 2 summers ago for the kick off of the start of school but i missed them cause i had to go to cell.. i was sad.. but eh i obeyed God..
1. Question..
Why do we not obey Him, even though we know what we already have to do??
is it cause we reason things out and try to persuade him our point of view/?? He is God and his thoughts are not like mine and His ways are not my ways. Sometimes I still ask myself, what am i doing?? why am i doing this to him?? will he end up hurting in the end?? Do i know better and am i not just choosing God because i am curious. I want to know what happens?? will i end up getting hurt again??
don't know. I pray that as this one week fasting continues, i can really stick to the plan and not comprimise even 1%. That i can keep my eyes on God and completely obey God. Not to feel guilty about what I am doing or who I am with. To not have my parents, mentors, friends disaprove of what I am doing and more importantly to please God with what I am doing and thinking.
AMEN
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
^ ^
grr..
can a mom not trust her daughter to the point of anything that she does, she has to ask the 20 questions of when, where, why.. and who??
wow. thats great.
can a mom not trust her daughter to the point of anything that she does, she has to ask the 20 questions of when, where, why.. and who??
wow. thats great.
Monday, October 26, 2009
LIfe
Sometimes i feel like my life is full of unending tasks.
so much hw to keep up with and cause of my perfectionist character, i want to do things a certain way and i end up doing em last minute...
i don't like to do things last minute but usually it ends up like that.
God is still trying to break that off of me and im thankful my friend reminded me to not be perfect on the project but to get it done and just do my best.
one project i still need to do is not done.. sigh.
exhausted.
sigh. i think about things too much and i realized journaling and cr is a very helpful tool for me.
i got something today about what happened last nite from God.
i know i hear His voice clearly but i end up ignoring Him because i just follow my feelings.
this is a bad feeling to have right now. Must repent and stop looking back at the past.
sigh.
so i need people to talk to... i understand now that we are better together, not just a lone ranger standing alone.. and it says in the bible 3 chords is better than one..
that just reminds me that how ever strong we think we might be, we will still need each other's support to make it through the day and to obey Him
so much hw to keep up with and cause of my perfectionist character, i want to do things a certain way and i end up doing em last minute...
i don't like to do things last minute but usually it ends up like that.
God is still trying to break that off of me and im thankful my friend reminded me to not be perfect on the project but to get it done and just do my best.
one project i still need to do is not done.. sigh.
exhausted.
sigh. i think about things too much and i realized journaling and cr is a very helpful tool for me.
i got something today about what happened last nite from God.
i know i hear His voice clearly but i end up ignoring Him because i just follow my feelings.
this is a bad feeling to have right now. Must repent and stop looking back at the past.
sigh.
so i need people to talk to... i understand now that we are better together, not just a lone ranger standing alone.. and it says in the bible 3 chords is better than one..
that just reminds me that how ever strong we think we might be, we will still need each other's support to make it through the day and to obey Him
Saturday, October 24, 2009
wow
today... is a good. day.. that's how each day should be.
It was a really good experience to just start the day off with reading God's word. I haven't done it in a while. My mind felt clearer even though i was still sleepy. I was reminded to start my day off by putting on God's armor evryday before i do anything once i got off my bed. That's why it was so much easier for the devil to attack my thoughts. I should make a check list of what to do hha!
man so thankful my friend helped me with spanish. i would be lost without her. the battle of my thoughts is only half the fight in taking the test for spanish this tuesday.. ekk.. must raise my grade up.
OHh practiced music at church. dude i realize man i shouldn't put so much pressure on myself to be perfect just by seeing my friend experience it. she was so stressed out about doing things so perfect that she basicly missed out in enjoying singing the songs and just worshipping. My mom pointed out that im like her sometimes.. bwabhaha. i get mad easily like her. uhh no bueno. i didnt say anything to mom cause i knew she was right heheh.
anyways, i was thinkin about what devo said and i was just saying to myself if i was ready to let go of my past. I guess im too much of a perfectionist so that i don't let myself experience things in the present that reminds me of the past. it's so foolish of me to be afraid of letting things happen in the future that might have reminded of memories from the past.. if that makes sense.
The past can't do anything to me if I don't let it. it's only a memory. All i can do is move on, learn from it and not have my focus on the past... soo today i learned to really let go. Yes i'm not perfect and i will never be but I have to accept myself where I am at and see my own potential. God is good for sure. He sees me how I can be and not where I am at right now. so i will take a deep breath and learn to Let God heal my pains. Not an easy thing to do but with time, I am learning to do it!
so glad i got to go home earlier from practice then i would usually do. went home and on my front door, saw a note from my neighbor. It said my dogs were barkin for 4 hours.. bwahs. wat can i do?? dude wear an ear plug man!! j/k... it's prob cause they killed a cat or cause of the event at Fairplex, who knows.
oii.. now off to do hw. jeezzzz.. thank God for boat loads of work, if not i would be bored =)
arcadia is havin those october carnival.. yeah!! time for some cotton candy! the city of arcadia is rich, they post up adds about the carnival on FB. wow.. way to go online arcadia!
man, my mentor was right about what she said to me.. what she said to prove her on. dang it!! i dont like that! but owh well.s.
~i want boba... and some 24 hour sleeping time!!
<3...............................................................................................................]>
bwahaha.....
It was a really good experience to just start the day off with reading God's word. I haven't done it in a while. My mind felt clearer even though i was still sleepy. I was reminded to start my day off by putting on God's armor evryday before i do anything once i got off my bed. That's why it was so much easier for the devil to attack my thoughts. I should make a check list of what to do hha!
man so thankful my friend helped me with spanish. i would be lost without her. the battle of my thoughts is only half the fight in taking the test for spanish this tuesday.. ekk.. must raise my grade up.
OHh practiced music at church. dude i realize man i shouldn't put so much pressure on myself to be perfect just by seeing my friend experience it. she was so stressed out about doing things so perfect that she basicly missed out in enjoying singing the songs and just worshipping. My mom pointed out that im like her sometimes.. bwabhaha. i get mad easily like her. uhh no bueno. i didnt say anything to mom cause i knew she was right heheh.
anyways, i was thinkin about what devo said and i was just saying to myself if i was ready to let go of my past. I guess im too much of a perfectionist so that i don't let myself experience things in the present that reminds me of the past. it's so foolish of me to be afraid of letting things happen in the future that might have reminded of memories from the past.. if that makes sense.
The past can't do anything to me if I don't let it. it's only a memory. All i can do is move on, learn from it and not have my focus on the past... soo today i learned to really let go. Yes i'm not perfect and i will never be but I have to accept myself where I am at and see my own potential. God is good for sure. He sees me how I can be and not where I am at right now. so i will take a deep breath and learn to Let God heal my pains. Not an easy thing to do but with time, I am learning to do it!
so glad i got to go home earlier from practice then i would usually do. went home and on my front door, saw a note from my neighbor. It said my dogs were barkin for 4 hours.. bwahs. wat can i do?? dude wear an ear plug man!! j/k... it's prob cause they killed a cat or cause of the event at Fairplex, who knows.
oii.. now off to do hw. jeezzzz.. thank God for boat loads of work, if not i would be bored =)
arcadia is havin those october carnival.. yeah!! time for some cotton candy! the city of arcadia is rich, they post up adds about the carnival on FB. wow.. way to go online arcadia!
man, my mentor was right about what she said to me.. what she said to prove her on. dang it!! i dont like that! but owh well.s.
~i want boba... and some 24 hour sleeping time!!
<3...............................................................................................................]>
bwahaha.....
=)
that was funny.
got to start the day off going to chiropractor=starting my day off with a back that is not tight.
always good.
went home, had plans to go here and there for school and church later on (music practice) but then i got lazy.
laid down in bed and read the Bible. turned to 1 corinthians. Read the chapter abour Marriage. opened up my eyes as to God's rule for marriage and for relationships. skipped around to other chapters and just read about having God's spirit and that He gave it to us freely. I felt so honored. he trusts me that much to give me a holy spirit.
Then read about being holy. This gets me everytime. Even though i read it time and time again, this chapter talked about sacrificing my body for HIs glory. Just to throw in the mix of devo and some stuff I read from the BIBLe, the one thing that I am being reminded of right now is to be holy. Not to let the devil go into my head and tempt me of what i did in the past. Keeping me from looking ahead and just focus on the past and throw a pitty party and blame myself on and on.
Today i found freedom and a new renewal way of thinking. Thanks to God.
off to do projects, taking people's picture for fashion forecasting in arcadia mall.. hehe!! mall...
man.. love my major!
<3... country songs still makes me laugh.. how the words just reminds me of the things i was thinking about you..bewahha..
got to start the day off going to chiropractor=starting my day off with a back that is not tight.
always good.
went home, had plans to go here and there for school and church later on (music practice) but then i got lazy.
laid down in bed and read the Bible. turned to 1 corinthians. Read the chapter abour Marriage. opened up my eyes as to God's rule for marriage and for relationships. skipped around to other chapters and just read about having God's spirit and that He gave it to us freely. I felt so honored. he trusts me that much to give me a holy spirit.
Then read about being holy. This gets me everytime. Even though i read it time and time again, this chapter talked about sacrificing my body for HIs glory. Just to throw in the mix of devo and some stuff I read from the BIBLe, the one thing that I am being reminded of right now is to be holy. Not to let the devil go into my head and tempt me of what i did in the past. Keeping me from looking ahead and just focus on the past and throw a pitty party and blame myself on and on.
Today i found freedom and a new renewal way of thinking. Thanks to God.
off to do projects, taking people's picture for fashion forecasting in arcadia mall.. hehe!! mall...
man.. love my major!
<3... country songs still makes me laugh.. how the words just reminds me of the things i was thinking about you..bewahha..
what a lovely day
"Father God i pray that you keep a hold of my friend. I am so thankful that you keep on taking me back even though i fail so many times. I thank you that you always forgive me whenever I rebel against you. I know i have a lot of shortcomings and flaws still. That even though i think i'm all right on the outside, you know how I truly am on the inside and out. I thank you that you see me as how I can be and not as how I am right now. Thank you that i can experience your unconditional love and that I pray I can keep my eyes on you at all times. For me to ask you first whenever I face a problem."
Since the beginning of this fasting, im so thankful that the devotion has been allign with what I have to do. THis one month theme at church of spritual discipline is no coincidence at all. Im so glad i have a guidance from God's word. I didn't get to read today's devo but when i was in school during break time i got to crack open the bible for a few minutes. I asked God which chapter to open and he lead me to 2 Corinthians 6. I read the part about not mixing yolk with unbelievers. wow... that was such a strong wake up call...
I don't have to elaborate.. but at where I am at right now, I know i don't want to commit myself to a person until they have a strong foundation in Him. I'm not asking for much but if I'm going to spend an eternity with that person, i'm entitled to request certain things to God from that person no?? hehe... yes handful I am!!! I am handful for a reason. I don't want to settle, i want to receive the best from God. I already know all these values but now it's time for me to actually use it and not just throw it all out the window.
i got some visions today from Him.. i'm not sure though if it is my own imagination or if it's from Him... i still need to pray about it. I guess for me to really accept God's truth, i have to be willing to let go of the fear of getting hurt and really let God be apart of everything in my life, not just some of it. That's the hardest thing to do. I say in the morning that I hand over the pen to Him, but in certain instances my behavior is still to take control and just think on my own. This phase of my life really teaches me to come to Him first and just wait on Him. I'm finding more peacefulness in my thought life and even though i still have my moments when i get all over the place but I'm learning to calm down and just take it easy.
still to this day, country songs make me laugh esp the song that goes "life is good again" and somethin bout his a** in the sand and beer in the somthin... hhaah can't remember the words.
like the tunes and the lyrics though. just made me smile cause it always reminds me of the person who shared the song with me! =) wow.. never knew how deep country song was. gotta go to a country music concert one of these days, bet it's gonna be lots of fun.
other things i want to do on a side note:
DISNEYLAND.. happiest place on earth
Sea World
The mountains, Asuza canyon and Arcadia =)
uhh sushi restaurants
uhh soon fashion shows for Hello Kitty's aniv. and Betty Johnson exhibition on Nov 14th!!
sigh so many events.. so little time and hw to do =) i wish i was super woman and get to do all my projects done in one day! haah. so delusional.
anyways....
Got to hang out with my friend who's technically on a leave from the army... somtin went wrong with her paperwork or somthin. sucks for her. seriously. didn't know there was a lollicup at Pomona so she took me there... my chiropractor fixed my back and loosen it after i was done with school, that was a good feeling... felt drained after a long's day of school, sewing class and going to the chiropractor..
got to go to Borders to get a gift for my friends b day. Forgot how much i like bookstore. It's so full of books i say i want to read but will prob never will. Saw some sewing books that i liked, egh pretty expensive too!!
anyways wanted to watch a movie after going to the bookstore but i was beat already! then got to see Ugly Betty, or the last 15 minutes of it. I missed watching that show, still one good show that sorts of portrays the fashion world. I hope that's wat it looks like when i've arrived in my career path! I pray that it will look like that!
oii i think day to day, is a brand new day and even though i miss him sometimes, I'm starting to develop endurance and persevere!! never knew i could come to this place but i know God is helping me. Still have to surrender the future cause I don't know what is going to happen a month from now or even a year from now. Only God can change people. Only He Himself can change the bad in me and turn it upside down and inside out to glorify Him..
i think just ramblin on now cause im pooped out!
nite nite. ... good to know everythings under Control and in God's hand!
=) <3
Since the beginning of this fasting, im so thankful that the devotion has been allign with what I have to do. THis one month theme at church of spritual discipline is no coincidence at all. Im so glad i have a guidance from God's word. I didn't get to read today's devo but when i was in school during break time i got to crack open the bible for a few minutes. I asked God which chapter to open and he lead me to 2 Corinthians 6. I read the part about not mixing yolk with unbelievers. wow... that was such a strong wake up call...
I don't have to elaborate.. but at where I am at right now, I know i don't want to commit myself to a person until they have a strong foundation in Him. I'm not asking for much but if I'm going to spend an eternity with that person, i'm entitled to request certain things to God from that person no?? hehe... yes handful I am!!! I am handful for a reason. I don't want to settle, i want to receive the best from God. I already know all these values but now it's time for me to actually use it and not just throw it all out the window.
i got some visions today from Him.. i'm not sure though if it is my own imagination or if it's from Him... i still need to pray about it. I guess for me to really accept God's truth, i have to be willing to let go of the fear of getting hurt and really let God be apart of everything in my life, not just some of it. That's the hardest thing to do. I say in the morning that I hand over the pen to Him, but in certain instances my behavior is still to take control and just think on my own. This phase of my life really teaches me to come to Him first and just wait on Him. I'm finding more peacefulness in my thought life and even though i still have my moments when i get all over the place but I'm learning to calm down and just take it easy.
still to this day, country songs make me laugh esp the song that goes "life is good again" and somethin bout his a** in the sand and beer in the somthin... hhaah can't remember the words.
like the tunes and the lyrics though. just made me smile cause it always reminds me of the person who shared the song with me! =) wow.. never knew how deep country song was. gotta go to a country music concert one of these days, bet it's gonna be lots of fun.
other things i want to do on a side note:
DISNEYLAND.. happiest place on earth
Sea World
The mountains, Asuza canyon and Arcadia =)
uhh sushi restaurants
uhh soon fashion shows for Hello Kitty's aniv. and Betty Johnson exhibition on Nov 14th!!
sigh so many events.. so little time and hw to do =) i wish i was super woman and get to do all my projects done in one day! haah. so delusional.
anyways....
Got to hang out with my friend who's technically on a leave from the army... somtin went wrong with her paperwork or somthin. sucks for her. seriously. didn't know there was a lollicup at Pomona so she took me there... my chiropractor fixed my back and loosen it after i was done with school, that was a good feeling... felt drained after a long's day of school, sewing class and going to the chiropractor..
got to go to Borders to get a gift for my friends b day. Forgot how much i like bookstore. It's so full of books i say i want to read but will prob never will. Saw some sewing books that i liked, egh pretty expensive too!!
anyways wanted to watch a movie after going to the bookstore but i was beat already! then got to see Ugly Betty, or the last 15 minutes of it. I missed watching that show, still one good show that sorts of portrays the fashion world. I hope that's wat it looks like when i've arrived in my career path! I pray that it will look like that!
oii i think day to day, is a brand new day and even though i miss him sometimes, I'm starting to develop endurance and persevere!! never knew i could come to this place but i know God is helping me. Still have to surrender the future cause I don't know what is going to happen a month from now or even a year from now. Only God can change people. Only He Himself can change the bad in me and turn it upside down and inside out to glorify Him..
i think just ramblin on now cause im pooped out!
nite nite. ... good to know everythings under Control and in God's hand!
=) <3
Friday, October 23, 2009
friday!!!
oh. so much things to do...!!! hw and hw..
it's so funny how when I listen to country music, i can just relate it to what's going in my life..
im thinking wth.. man?? this song knows me..
but then today i got a text from me spritual mommie.. she reminded me to be thankful that im going through a process and that Jesus doesn't give me a quick-with the snap of the finger- recovery.
It's tough at some moments but then I think to myself, when I look back at this time in my life in the future, i will think, man i survived hell and back... so I can accomplish more things that are difficult than this (with Jesus's help of course).
The most important thing i have to focus on is Jesus (keeping my eyes on Him), school cause got boatloads of work to do, and me familia.. sigh.
some good things some bad things.. but i'll take it all cause I can survive everyday with His help.
it's so funny how when I listen to country music, i can just relate it to what's going in my life..
im thinking wth.. man?? this song knows me..
but then today i got a text from me spritual mommie.. she reminded me to be thankful that im going through a process and that Jesus doesn't give me a quick-with the snap of the finger- recovery.
It's tough at some moments but then I think to myself, when I look back at this time in my life in the future, i will think, man i survived hell and back... so I can accomplish more things that are difficult than this (with Jesus's help of course).
The most important thing i have to focus on is Jesus (keeping my eyes on Him), school cause got boatloads of work to do, and me familia.. sigh.
some good things some bad things.. but i'll take it all cause I can survive everyday with His help.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
another one
u no a funny thing happened. i was just still in the computer lab. listening to my mp3. (sorry im not one of those people who have ipod =( ). anyways.
it was some Christian music.. and it was just saying come to Jesus.. in the same time i was reading a lyric from the song Words of God speak by Mercy Me..
something inside of me just felt His presence.. it made me laugh but then i just felt so touched and overwhelmed that i couldn't contain it.
took off my headphones.. just took a little breath. sighh. i got too carried away with thinking about so many projects, hw, and studying i still have to do, i forgot to ask God for the wisdom, strenght and His help.
wow.. This is a really good reminder of the Revelation He constantly tells me!
yeas today i smiled =)...
This is what it says from CR> Love & Relationship Addiction...(problem &solution)
THe Problem:
depresion, lack of trust, isolation, unhealty use of love and relationships as means of achieving worth. These are the characteristics of ROmance and Relationship Addictions.
Addicter to "Love" characteristics are:
-Lack of nurtuting and attention when young
-Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
-OUter facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
-Mistake intensity for intimacy
-Hidden pain
-Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
-Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
-Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
-Depressed
-Highly manipulative and controlling of others
-Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, as with food and water
-Sense of worthlessness
-Escalating tolerance for high-rish behavior
-Intense need to control self, others, and circumstances
-Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
-Using others to alter mood or relieve pain
-COntinual questioning of values and lifestyle
-Driven, desperate, frantic personality
-Existence of secret "double life"
-Refusal to acknowledge existence of a problem
-Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
-Defining "wants as "needs"
The Solution
THe goal of recovery is to achieve and maintain sobriety. In most addictions, sobriety can be defined simply by ceasing the unhealthy behaviors, Stopping and staying stopped are the goals. For most types of problems, the slogan "just say no" is appropriate.
Staying sober is more complicated with people addictions. THe aim of recovery cannot be the complete avoidance of all forms of romance and relationships. It is similar to the challenge faced by people addicted to overeating; they cannot simply give up food. Rather, they must learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy eating. They must eliminate the unhealthy while promoting the healthy behavior. In the same way, for those addicted to love, the goal of recovery is not to become a HERMIT LIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS. The goal is to FOSTER HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND ELIMINATE UNHEALTHY ONES.
Asking the following questions can help you determine if a particular behavior will contribute to a healthy relationship or lead to addictive behavior.
1. WIll I later have to deny that I did it?
2. Is it self centered?
3. Is it abusive to myself or to others?
4. Is it inconsistent with my values?
5. would I refuse to do it if Christ were standing here with me?
6. Is it an action without and underlying commitment?
7 will I feel better or worse about myself for having done it?
8. Will someone else feel worse for my having done it?
9. Is this a waste of my time or the time of others?
10. Am I doing this to escape painful feelings of reality?
A Yes to any of these questions should be a "red flag" that the behavior being considered may be unhealthy. when romane and relationships processd with these types of dynamics, they are likely to be dysfunctional and addictive.
Sobrierity means establishing and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. At the same time, staying sober is always more than the mere presence or absence of certain behaviors. Sobriety is more than just "not doing" certain things. It involves personal growth. It is not what we avoid, but what we grow toward, that makes sobriety meaningful. As we have seen, growth must occur in several areas of our lives. we must look to our physical health. We must be concerned for our emotiona, social, and mental welfare. SPritual growth must be the foundational block, upon which, all other growth is built and sustainde. Balance is the key. Romance and relationships have been the dominant factors in the life of one addicted to love. Recovery is the time for these relationships to find their rightful and healthy place as a part of the whole person, not as tyrants which control and consume a person.
"I pray that as i continue on this journey of recovery that i can get over my hurts, bad habits, and hang ups. Amen"
it was some Christian music.. and it was just saying come to Jesus.. in the same time i was reading a lyric from the song Words of God speak by Mercy Me..
something inside of me just felt His presence.. it made me laugh but then i just felt so touched and overwhelmed that i couldn't contain it.
took off my headphones.. just took a little breath. sighh. i got too carried away with thinking about so many projects, hw, and studying i still have to do, i forgot to ask God for the wisdom, strenght and His help.
wow.. This is a really good reminder of the Revelation He constantly tells me!
yeas today i smiled =)...
This is what it says from CR> Love & Relationship Addiction...(problem &solution)
THe Problem:
depresion, lack of trust, isolation, unhealty use of love and relationships as means of achieving worth. These are the characteristics of ROmance and Relationship Addictions.
Addicter to "Love" characteristics are:
-Lack of nurtuting and attention when young
-Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
-OUter facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
-Mistake intensity for intimacy
-Hidden pain
-Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
-Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
-Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
-Depressed
-Highly manipulative and controlling of others
-Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, as with food and water
-Sense of worthlessness
-Escalating tolerance for high-rish behavior
-Intense need to control self, others, and circumstances
-Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
-Using others to alter mood or relieve pain
-COntinual questioning of values and lifestyle
-Driven, desperate, frantic personality
-Existence of secret "double life"
-Refusal to acknowledge existence of a problem
-Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
-Defining "wants as "needs"
The Solution
THe goal of recovery is to achieve and maintain sobriety. In most addictions, sobriety can be defined simply by ceasing the unhealthy behaviors, Stopping and staying stopped are the goals. For most types of problems, the slogan "just say no" is appropriate.
Staying sober is more complicated with people addictions. THe aim of recovery cannot be the complete avoidance of all forms of romance and relationships. It is similar to the challenge faced by people addicted to overeating; they cannot simply give up food. Rather, they must learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy eating. They must eliminate the unhealthy while promoting the healthy behavior. In the same way, for those addicted to love, the goal of recovery is not to become a HERMIT LIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS. The goal is to FOSTER HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND ELIMINATE UNHEALTHY ONES.
Asking the following questions can help you determine if a particular behavior will contribute to a healthy relationship or lead to addictive behavior.
1. WIll I later have to deny that I did it?
2. Is it self centered?
3. Is it abusive to myself or to others?
4. Is it inconsistent with my values?
5. would I refuse to do it if Christ were standing here with me?
6. Is it an action without and underlying commitment?
7 will I feel better or worse about myself for having done it?
8. Will someone else feel worse for my having done it?
9. Is this a waste of my time or the time of others?
10. Am I doing this to escape painful feelings of reality?
A Yes to any of these questions should be a "red flag" that the behavior being considered may be unhealthy. when romane and relationships processd with these types of dynamics, they are likely to be dysfunctional and addictive.
Sobrierity means establishing and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. At the same time, staying sober is always more than the mere presence or absence of certain behaviors. Sobriety is more than just "not doing" certain things. It involves personal growth. It is not what we avoid, but what we grow toward, that makes sobriety meaningful. As we have seen, growth must occur in several areas of our lives. we must look to our physical health. We must be concerned for our emotiona, social, and mental welfare. SPritual growth must be the foundational block, upon which, all other growth is built and sustainde. Balance is the key. Romance and relationships have been the dominant factors in the life of one addicted to love. Recovery is the time for these relationships to find their rightful and healthy place as a part of the whole person, not as tyrants which control and consume a person.
"I pray that as i continue on this journey of recovery that i can get over my hurts, bad habits, and hang ups. Amen"
thursday
sometimes life is very funny. we try to go out of God's plan and just try to do things all on our own.
Today's devo talked about romans 8, the whole chapter.
i realized that i can't let my sinful nature lead my life. If the holy spirit lives in me that means we already have the power to not let our sinful nature control this life. Sometimes when i think of what i am getting myself into, i tell myself am i dumb to take control of this life?? to think that i can do everything on my own strength.
I feel at eaze now that i listen To HIM and actually just say yes to his commands and to accept His promises in my life. I'm not saying i have everything all figured out but i know when I obey, God will let His promises comes to pass in my life but only when I am ready to let Him take control.
Im glad that God is transforming my mindset. I am really thankful that He loves me unconditionally if not man.. i don't know where i'll be at right now. All i can say is that this whole love, soul mate, life questions is too overwhelming for me and i'm not going to ask anything more from God until i am actually ready to accept whatever God tells me about those things =)
<3 u...
Today's devo talked about romans 8, the whole chapter.
i realized that i can't let my sinful nature lead my life. If the holy spirit lives in me that means we already have the power to not let our sinful nature control this life. Sometimes when i think of what i am getting myself into, i tell myself am i dumb to take control of this life?? to think that i can do everything on my own strength.
I feel at eaze now that i listen To HIM and actually just say yes to his commands and to accept His promises in my life. I'm not saying i have everything all figured out but i know when I obey, God will let His promises comes to pass in my life but only when I am ready to let Him take control.
Im glad that God is transforming my mindset. I am really thankful that He loves me unconditionally if not man.. i don't know where i'll be at right now. All i can say is that this whole love, soul mate, life questions is too overwhelming for me and i'm not going to ask anything more from God until i am actually ready to accept whatever God tells me about those things =)
<3 u...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
It's time
It's time for me to move on. to concentrate on the most important things in my life. Let all the pain and sadness disappear. Let God be God and take care of my past, present, future.
Im sick of being in pain and hurting.
so it's time for me to Let Go.
Im sick of being in pain and hurting.
so it's time for me to Let Go.
my two and a half months love affair
Love affair with my own thoughts.
It was fun to know you and to really attempt to even dream of having a husband and a future with you.
I guess one thing I can learn from all this is to listen to my peoples when they are warning me. For me even though i heard all the warnings, i wont really learn until i experience a bit of it myself. so i put my feet in the water, tested the water and see how things can be. It wasn't pretty. I didnt feel right. It was as if I already knew God kept on saying no but I just kept on going about it with my own thoughts and feelings. I wasn't completely surrendering to God what I was worrying about.
I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry if i caused you pain in anyway. I'm just sorry it got to this point but one thing I'm not sorry about is that I got to know you. EVen if you don't want to be my friend for now it's fine... i know eventually we'll learn to get to that point. ALl kinds of emotions are in the way right now and this time apart is for the best. It's really giving me an opportunity to find clarity, peace, and wisdom from GOd day in and day out.
ALl those late nite talks on the phone, late nite hang outs at dennys, i'll miss it. It doesn't matter now. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It's not the end of the world. THis is just one phase in our life where God is teaching us to trust and Hold on to HIs words and not our emotions.
If i say I love GOd than I must completely obey HIm. I'll throw my arms up and completely and recklessly abandon evry dream that I ever came up with and let His dream for me come to pass.
I can't say i didnt warn you.. I told you i can hurt you, be mean to you.. but you still wanted to go on with it.
Now that it ends i really hope you see that this is the best. I hope one day you'll see that I did this for our own good. It doesn't matter that you don't like me very much right now cause i know you wont stay mad at me for long...
I guess if I poor out my emotions and give it all out to you, eventually i'll have to give my all to you but that's one thing that I can't do at the moment. so this hurts right now but GOd will heal it.. I have to trust Him now cause running away from Him aint fun. I already know in my heart what i need to do.
I guess there's nothing else to say other than I hope that you'll find your way into God's arm. I can't do anything else for you to show that I care for you.
I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's song and I thought this would fit to our situation to a certain degree. It made me laugh and some parts like "my life would suck without you" just kind of reminded me of how I am feeling right now.
Kelly Clarkson - “My Life Would Suck Without You” Lyrics
Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye (maybe... I don't know)
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues (I know this is true)
But you’re pretty messed up too (.. but this is even more true for you... hehe)
Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you (so nott TRUUUEE)
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestlyMy life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional (exactly how i feel right about now)
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go (hey i have to even though it's hard if i want to continue on with my recovery process)
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow (only in marriage will we be truly United so.. I surrender)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
<3....e>
It was fun to know you and to really attempt to even dream of having a husband and a future with you.
I guess one thing I can learn from all this is to listen to my peoples when they are warning me. For me even though i heard all the warnings, i wont really learn until i experience a bit of it myself. so i put my feet in the water, tested the water and see how things can be. It wasn't pretty. I didnt feel right. It was as if I already knew God kept on saying no but I just kept on going about it with my own thoughts and feelings. I wasn't completely surrendering to God what I was worrying about.
I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry if i caused you pain in anyway. I'm just sorry it got to this point but one thing I'm not sorry about is that I got to know you. EVen if you don't want to be my friend for now it's fine... i know eventually we'll learn to get to that point. ALl kinds of emotions are in the way right now and this time apart is for the best. It's really giving me an opportunity to find clarity, peace, and wisdom from GOd day in and day out.
ALl those late nite talks on the phone, late nite hang outs at dennys, i'll miss it. It doesn't matter now. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It's not the end of the world. THis is just one phase in our life where God is teaching us to trust and Hold on to HIs words and not our emotions.
If i say I love GOd than I must completely obey HIm. I'll throw my arms up and completely and recklessly abandon evry dream that I ever came up with and let His dream for me come to pass.
I can't say i didnt warn you.. I told you i can hurt you, be mean to you.. but you still wanted to go on with it.
Now that it ends i really hope you see that this is the best. I hope one day you'll see that I did this for our own good. It doesn't matter that you don't like me very much right now cause i know you wont stay mad at me for long...
I guess if I poor out my emotions and give it all out to you, eventually i'll have to give my all to you but that's one thing that I can't do at the moment. so this hurts right now but GOd will heal it.. I have to trust Him now cause running away from Him aint fun. I already know in my heart what i need to do.
I guess there's nothing else to say other than I hope that you'll find your way into God's arm. I can't do anything else for you to show that I care for you.
I was listening to Kelly Clarkson's song and I thought this would fit to our situation to a certain degree. It made me laugh and some parts like "my life would suck without you" just kind of reminded me of how I am feeling right now.
Kelly Clarkson - “My Life Would Suck Without You” Lyrics
Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye (maybe... I don't know)
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues (I know this is true)
But you’re pretty messed up too (.. but this is even more true for you... hehe)
Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you (so nott TRUUUEE)
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestlyMy life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional (exactly how i feel right about now)
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go (hey i have to even though it's hard if i want to continue on with my recovery process)
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow (only in marriage will we be truly United so.. I surrender)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
<3....e>
Monday, October 19, 2009
monday.
today was a good day until i received a texted from a friend.
I don't want to be anything more than a friend because i don't want to go into a path without having a sense of purpose. I don't want to decide things on my own feelings and my own understanding.
I've been foolish to not listen God for quiet a while now and I don't want to feel this guilt or burden because Im ignoring God.
It's better that we stop right now to take some time off and be less hurt instead of being too involved with each other and end up being worse off than when we started. (or at least for me, that is my plan)
If all my leaders are saying the same thing, that's a red flag to really follow what they say cause most of the time they see things that i do not see. They're only doing it too cause they care for me and they don't get anything back in return.
So im sorry if I hurt you now, but i'm not sorry that we're still friends.
If you don't want to stay to be friends than that's fine. i understand. i do not need the drama anyways. I just pray God holds u tight in His arms.
I guess that's it for now until things can go back as normal. =)
I don't want to be anything more than a friend because i don't want to go into a path without having a sense of purpose. I don't want to decide things on my own feelings and my own understanding.
I've been foolish to not listen God for quiet a while now and I don't want to feel this guilt or burden because Im ignoring God.
It's better that we stop right now to take some time off and be less hurt instead of being too involved with each other and end up being worse off than when we started. (or at least for me, that is my plan)
If all my leaders are saying the same thing, that's a red flag to really follow what they say cause most of the time they see things that i do not see. They're only doing it too cause they care for me and they don't get anything back in return.
So im sorry if I hurt you now, but i'm not sorry that we're still friends.
If you don't want to stay to be friends than that's fine. i understand. i do not need the drama anyways. I just pray God holds u tight in His arms.
I guess that's it for now until things can go back as normal. =)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"Just another nite like any other nite"
wow. hmm after accepting what GOd has been telling me over and over again, i feel so much more at peace about evrything. I was very foolish to think that i can control everything and please other people. Taking a break from all the stress is what i really needed.
Shocking things happened last nite and im just glad that i have friends and family that i can count on. I read devo this morning and GOd reminded me one very important thing.
To TITHE... simple as that! I totaly forgot to do that lately and i realize that's why a lot of things have been going on in my life...
I understand now what GOd was trying to do in my life. derr.. so not in tune with Him sometimes.
I guess like the message at cell last nite said, I need to be a soldier of CHrist... no Soldier left behind. I don't need to get soo caught up on beating myself down over and over again for the mistakes or failures that i did. God really cares about the processes in my life that he's allowing me to go through..
It's a matter of Finishing Well and not Completing a task perfectly. That's one thing that really blessed me. Sometimes it's just hard to give thanks when I'm experiencing the processes but once i get over the complaining and the why me''s... I realize that the only thing i can do is give thanks. I feel a lot better too after when I give thanks. If i remember correctly hearing this in a sermon, a pastor stated, when you give thanks to God, you bless Him. That's an amazing statement.
sighh. today i went to the pumpkin festival at school. WOW.. that's all i can say.
Man they have good food. Other than pumpkin pie, they have pumkin bread and muffins, funnel cake and kettle popcorn. wow. so gonna go there and get some...tmrw. !!!
=) .... smiling at people makes them confused.. hehe
Shocking things happened last nite and im just glad that i have friends and family that i can count on. I read devo this morning and GOd reminded me one very important thing.
To TITHE... simple as that! I totaly forgot to do that lately and i realize that's why a lot of things have been going on in my life...
I understand now what GOd was trying to do in my life. derr.. so not in tune with Him sometimes.
I guess like the message at cell last nite said, I need to be a soldier of CHrist... no Soldier left behind. I don't need to get soo caught up on beating myself down over and over again for the mistakes or failures that i did. God really cares about the processes in my life that he's allowing me to go through..
It's a matter of Finishing Well and not Completing a task perfectly. That's one thing that really blessed me. Sometimes it's just hard to give thanks when I'm experiencing the processes but once i get over the complaining and the why me''s... I realize that the only thing i can do is give thanks. I feel a lot better too after when I give thanks. If i remember correctly hearing this in a sermon, a pastor stated, when you give thanks to God, you bless Him. That's an amazing statement.
sighh. today i went to the pumpkin festival at school. WOW.. that's all i can say.
Man they have good food. Other than pumpkin pie, they have pumkin bread and muffins, funnel cake and kettle popcorn. wow. so gonna go there and get some...tmrw. !!!
=) .... smiling at people makes them confused.. hehe
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
DAY uno
saw my CR leader posting a birthday card for me... so i went in to the apps to see what other cards was a vailable and i found this//
so cute! makes me think of easter when i was a kid cause of the rainbow color in the background.
anymeways!! today will be a reset day. DAY 1 again to fasting. sigh.. last nite was a good goodbye. woke up so sleepy and when i took my quiz i was still dazed. THen when i started trying to figure out the quiz i was having a hard time remembering how i did these problems back when i had to do my hw... aii
yelps!! but i think i did ok. =)
things to do this week:
hw!!
dinner with YAP people/don't really wanna go cause it's all the way in SB and it's raining. I don't feel like dressing up... prob gonna go to pst. mike's house to just hang out with Stace's soon to be parents in law.
thursday. finish projects/hw/go to disneyland to see if i can get the free tix and exchange it for a later date.
friday. go to a fashion show and if possible help out!! woot woot.. dang i wish i can get their clothes for free ..=) that would be a really good b day present!!
aii. one more day till i am one year wiser!! not older, wiser heh.
Monday, October 12, 2009
NAtasha Bedingfield "soulmate"
Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me Or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone But I'm still waiting in line
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
a coinsidental song i came across.. pretty sure i mispelled that word.
g'nites alls!! whoever reads my blog. for that matter ne ways
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You're not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me Or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone But I'm still waiting in line
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
a coinsidental song i came across.. pretty sure i mispelled that word.
g'nites alls!! whoever reads my blog. for that matter ne ways
Sunday, October 11, 2009
These are the songs for you.
I was playing piano for music practice tonite. TO my surprise i was actually not sad about not going to the ball because i was having a good time tonite.
I had to play some songs on the piano for practice.. but all of a sudden at the end, my fingers came to play this song.
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to neverhow can we say forever
(chorus)
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all The times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby,You've got me going crazy
(chorus)
I wonder how we can survive, this romance
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance
Oh you can't see it baby
You've got me going crazy
omg. man. then one of the people i was practicing made a comment. and he said this is my fav song 10 years ago when i was young.. he was soo not young 10 yrs ago.. but n e ways i had a good time surprisingly...
my heart wont break anymore.
i will wait patiently for you GOd.
I won't rush into things or funtion based on my feelings
I know that your plans for me are plans to give me HOPE and a FUTURE.
Plans to PROSPER me and NOT to HARM ME.
I believe that all things will work for the good of those who loves you. To Those
who have been called according to your purposes (Rom. 8:28).
I pray that i can keep my purity that GOd has allowed me to keep till this moment of my life.
I pray that i can reserve that respect to my future hubby.
That one day when i have to confess everything about my past that
there wont be a lot of junks and bad stuff that i've done that will make
me ashame of myself or will break his heart.
I pray that 1st and foremost i can fall in love with God first.
That he can fill in all the cracks and holes in my heart.
I pray that i can experience GOd deeper.
I pray that by commiting to Him, that i can make an impact to our generation who
so badly needs His love and compassion.
To the lost generation who's been hurt because of all the junks that's bombarding their lives
day in and out.
In the end. I know my parents will be proud of me.
I know God loves me and he'll be my number one supporter in everything that i do.
I thank you that so many people loves me, cares for me, pays attention to me.
Rebukes me when i need it, loves me when i need it, encourages me when i am down,
hugs me when i need love, give up their time when i need to talk,
text me when i miss getting txtes..., just show me they care by being there for me.
Today eventhough it is hard, i am rejoicing... i will learn to worship my God and throw away all
my idols that took place in my life before. SOmetimes i feel like im unworthy for HIs love or forgiveness but thanks to God because he broke that barrier in my mind.
I am worthy, I am important enough to be forgiven and to be loved by Him... I am thankful that GOd sees me as the person who He has created me to be.
Today i smile for God because of HIs unfailing LOVE
<3>
I had to play some songs on the piano for practice.. but all of a sudden at the end, my fingers came to play this song.
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to neverhow can we say forever
(chorus)
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all The times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby,You've got me going crazy
(chorus)
I wonder how we can survive, this romance
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance
Oh you can't see it baby
You've got me going crazy
omg. man. then one of the people i was practicing made a comment. and he said this is my fav song 10 years ago when i was young.. he was soo not young 10 yrs ago.. but n e ways i had a good time surprisingly...
my heart wont break anymore.
i will wait patiently for you GOd.
I won't rush into things or funtion based on my feelings
I know that your plans for me are plans to give me HOPE and a FUTURE.
Plans to PROSPER me and NOT to HARM ME.
I believe that all things will work for the good of those who loves you. To Those
who have been called according to your purposes (Rom. 8:28).
I pray that i can keep my purity that GOd has allowed me to keep till this moment of my life.
I pray that i can reserve that respect to my future hubby.
That one day when i have to confess everything about my past that
there wont be a lot of junks and bad stuff that i've done that will make
me ashame of myself or will break his heart.
I pray that 1st and foremost i can fall in love with God first.
That he can fill in all the cracks and holes in my heart.
I pray that i can experience GOd deeper.
I pray that by commiting to Him, that i can make an impact to our generation who
so badly needs His love and compassion.
To the lost generation who's been hurt because of all the junks that's bombarding their lives
day in and out.
In the end. I know my parents will be proud of me.
I know God loves me and he'll be my number one supporter in everything that i do.
I thank you that so many people loves me, cares for me, pays attention to me.
Rebukes me when i need it, loves me when i need it, encourages me when i am down,
hugs me when i need love, give up their time when i need to talk,
text me when i miss getting txtes..., just show me they care by being there for me.
Today eventhough it is hard, i am rejoicing... i will learn to worship my God and throw away all
my idols that took place in my life before. SOmetimes i feel like im unworthy for HIs love or forgiveness but thanks to God because he broke that barrier in my mind.
I am worthy, I am important enough to be forgiven and to be loved by Him... I am thankful that GOd sees me as the person who He has created me to be.
Today i smile for God because of HIs unfailing LOVE
<3>
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thank Goodness
Life is a little bit better.
I read this today at some site. it's surprisingly very true. No Magic, No Secrets:Stop looking for love. It doesn't work that way. Focus on your self-improvement. Extend yourself to others. Present the best person you can to those you encounter. Love will find you.
Are you a Jerk:Women are used to dealing with jerks. They have "jerk radar" and special jerk-avoidance strategies. They discuss this among themselves all the time. If you are a jerk or have jerk-like tendencies, you are doomed until you change. It's just that simple.
Flirting:You should be flirting at every opportunity. Flirting is all about conversation. The way to a woman's heart is through her ear. Hence, you need to speak to as many women as possible every day. You are not rude, aggressive, threatening -- just friendly. A bit of friendly small talk never hurt anyone.Don't Live for Love, Love to Live:You were happy before you met her and if things don't work out you will be happy afterwards. So this is the secret. It's not a Porsche, ripped abs or the right pair of sunglasses. You are a pleasure to be with because you are basically happy with yourself and your life. Things are just better when you are around.
Meeting Her Friends N Family:When meeting her friends and family, remember, you are about to be put on display. Listen twice as much as you talk; drink very little, if at all; and try to keep the evening reasonably short. All you have to do is relax, let her do the work and avoid stupid mistakes.
Friendship:If you can be successful at becoming friends with a woman you have the basis for building a relationship with any woman. You need to develop the skills and have the experience. Besides, you can never have too many friends.
so true.. hmm.. haha.
anyways. well today i finally sat at a sewing machine at school.. it was so cool.. i was in awe that i finally get to be in the sewing lab.. to realize that i am one day closer to my calling. It's a really great feeling. Today's been one of the better day in a while. I'm glad to say that God is really merciful. LIke today's devo.. we'll i wrote about it already but yah. i'm just learning to not complain.
today after school, i was so tired cause of the lack of sleep from last nite and the stress from this week.
I knocked out man!! then everytime i spend time with my mom she always reminds me about him haha... i guess it's a good thing that i opened up to her cause i have a guidance from the one person that i really trust. ANd it's so weird about what she said today. In front of Stater Brother's before we went in to the store she said this.
IF God shows you who your soul mate is, then it'll be two more years...
I don't know if she meant two more years till i can get married or two more years until i go into courtship. THis is totaly what i kept in my heart and to have her say it to me just confirms it for me. I think she said two years because that's when i'll be done with school. SHe knows how crazy i can get during school and how stressful a lot of situation can be for me when more loads like relationships, are added on my plate.
woow. so I guess now i just need to share with my dad. Im definetily sure he will have a lot more wisdom regarding my life and this thing that i'm going through.
sigh.
=)
*-^
I read this today at some site. it's surprisingly very true. No Magic, No Secrets:Stop looking for love. It doesn't work that way. Focus on your self-improvement. Extend yourself to others. Present the best person you can to those you encounter. Love will find you.
Are you a Jerk:Women are used to dealing with jerks. They have "jerk radar" and special jerk-avoidance strategies. They discuss this among themselves all the time. If you are a jerk or have jerk-like tendencies, you are doomed until you change. It's just that simple.
Flirting:You should be flirting at every opportunity. Flirting is all about conversation. The way to a woman's heart is through her ear. Hence, you need to speak to as many women as possible every day. You are not rude, aggressive, threatening -- just friendly. A bit of friendly small talk never hurt anyone.Don't Live for Love, Love to Live:You were happy before you met her and if things don't work out you will be happy afterwards. So this is the secret. It's not a Porsche, ripped abs or the right pair of sunglasses. You are a pleasure to be with because you are basically happy with yourself and your life. Things are just better when you are around.
Meeting Her Friends N Family:When meeting her friends and family, remember, you are about to be put on display. Listen twice as much as you talk; drink very little, if at all; and try to keep the evening reasonably short. All you have to do is relax, let her do the work and avoid stupid mistakes.
Friendship:If you can be successful at becoming friends with a woman you have the basis for building a relationship with any woman. You need to develop the skills and have the experience. Besides, you can never have too many friends.
so true.. hmm.. haha.
anyways. well today i finally sat at a sewing machine at school.. it was so cool.. i was in awe that i finally get to be in the sewing lab.. to realize that i am one day closer to my calling. It's a really great feeling. Today's been one of the better day in a while. I'm glad to say that God is really merciful. LIke today's devo.. we'll i wrote about it already but yah. i'm just learning to not complain.
today after school, i was so tired cause of the lack of sleep from last nite and the stress from this week.
I knocked out man!! then everytime i spend time with my mom she always reminds me about him haha... i guess it's a good thing that i opened up to her cause i have a guidance from the one person that i really trust. ANd it's so weird about what she said today. In front of Stater Brother's before we went in to the store she said this.
IF God shows you who your soul mate is, then it'll be two more years...
I don't know if she meant two more years till i can get married or two more years until i go into courtship. THis is totaly what i kept in my heart and to have her say it to me just confirms it for me. I think she said two years because that's when i'll be done with school. SHe knows how crazy i can get during school and how stressful a lot of situation can be for me when more loads like relationships, are added on my plate.
woow. so I guess now i just need to share with my dad. Im definetily sure he will have a lot more wisdom regarding my life and this thing that i'm going through.
sigh.
=)
*-^
the end starts with saying Goodbye
1. bye
2. hello
3. tired.
4. I guess i need to let everything go and lay it all under the cross. I have to let God take control.
I'm not going to start hurting myself or anyone else again by being in this same situation.
i have to move forward and keep on holding on to the hope Jesus gave me.
it sucks to be in this situation. omg i can't believe it you're so slow sometimes...
all i'll think about now is my birthday party in November will have to be that much more awesome than before since i can't do anything this month...
so it's a love lockdown from God. and i shouldn't see it any other way...
so life is not such a merry-go-round right now because even if i say I believe Him, i still haven't let Him take full control.. i know all He is asking is just for me to come after Him but there are a lot of stuff in my head i need to sort through with Him.. nothing else to say other than that.
so the end of this chapter in my life starts with saying....
"Goodbye old me... Hello the new me.. by Nov 7th."
something awesome will come. I believe it =)
2. hello
3. tired.
4. I guess i need to let everything go and lay it all under the cross. I have to let God take control.
I'm not going to start hurting myself or anyone else again by being in this same situation.
i have to move forward and keep on holding on to the hope Jesus gave me.
it sucks to be in this situation. omg i can't believe it you're so slow sometimes...
all i'll think about now is my birthday party in November will have to be that much more awesome than before since i can't do anything this month...
so it's a love lockdown from God. and i shouldn't see it any other way...
so life is not such a merry-go-round right now because even if i say I believe Him, i still haven't let Him take full control.. i know all He is asking is just for me to come after Him but there are a lot of stuff in my head i need to sort through with Him.. nothing else to say other than that.
so the end of this chapter in my life starts with saying....
"Goodbye old me... Hello the new me.. by Nov 7th."
something awesome will come. I believe it =)
The actual definition of insanity
Doing things over and over again the same way but expecting different result..
THus: me where i'm at= hitting my head against the wall and thinking about what happened over and over again.. and asking myself why i feel like this.
so to not be insane means to not thinking the same way over and over again, accept God's forgiveness and move on.
this is drama. lust fest. craziness. insanity. not important. did i mention craziness yet?
i'm not someone God wants me to become... so tonite.. pergi ke cell... dapet txt. tapi di delete same temen for my own good.. comprende!!
hurt people hurt people.. i say i care but really if i do care then i will let all this go. Just let God take control and do his magic.. but if i don't let him then i will keep on hurting myself and i will keep on hurting the other person. wohh.. simple but such a revelation..
anywys. im paddling to nowhere in my life.. just having temporary happiness that i know in my heart can not last because i just don't feel peace when i think about the future if i keep on going this route....
so wat's it to you if you know who the one is.. to be honest this is something i shouldn't be even playing about in my mind... this is like fire to me right now.. and when I play with fire, i'll get burn. get hurt, get exhausted trying to do this on my own, get distracted during the day at school, in the middle of the nite at home and when im at my most vulnerable moment.
ok. i want to be done. listening to country music sucks cause it reminds me of when i used to hang out with him. thinking about it no bueno so i will stop. I choose to stop because my brain can't take it. my body can't take it. my tear duct can't take it anymore. im done being pushed around and just getting attacked all the time.
so I surrender to you God and make a commitment to let all this go.. not as a show for other people, not to please other people anymore but for you. The only one who truly knows me and loves me unconditionally.
The End... can the old me (my old life) die and let me be a brand new Creature and live the life God has set for me?
Amen. Jesus Thank you for your cross.
goodbye. there will be no more response. there can't be anymore interaction. i can't do anything else for you, with you. i must run to God and make him my God and not u.
i have to do it to really be able to experience God's love and learn to be over my codependency and Love&Relationship addiction issues.
love....EMma
THus: me where i'm at= hitting my head against the wall and thinking about what happened over and over again.. and asking myself why i feel like this.
so to not be insane means to not thinking the same way over and over again, accept God's forgiveness and move on.
this is drama. lust fest. craziness. insanity. not important. did i mention craziness yet?
i'm not someone God wants me to become... so tonite.. pergi ke cell... dapet txt. tapi di delete same temen for my own good.. comprende!!
hurt people hurt people.. i say i care but really if i do care then i will let all this go. Just let God take control and do his magic.. but if i don't let him then i will keep on hurting myself and i will keep on hurting the other person. wohh.. simple but such a revelation..
anywys. im paddling to nowhere in my life.. just having temporary happiness that i know in my heart can not last because i just don't feel peace when i think about the future if i keep on going this route....
so wat's it to you if you know who the one is.. to be honest this is something i shouldn't be even playing about in my mind... this is like fire to me right now.. and when I play with fire, i'll get burn. get hurt, get exhausted trying to do this on my own, get distracted during the day at school, in the middle of the nite at home and when im at my most vulnerable moment.
ok. i want to be done. listening to country music sucks cause it reminds me of when i used to hang out with him. thinking about it no bueno so i will stop. I choose to stop because my brain can't take it. my body can't take it. my tear duct can't take it anymore. im done being pushed around and just getting attacked all the time.
so I surrender to you God and make a commitment to let all this go.. not as a show for other people, not to please other people anymore but for you. The only one who truly knows me and loves me unconditionally.
The End... can the old me (my old life) die and let me be a brand new Creature and live the life God has set for me?
Amen. Jesus Thank you for your cross.
goodbye. there will be no more response. there can't be anymore interaction. i can't do anything else for you, with you. i must run to God and make him my God and not u.
i have to do it to really be able to experience God's love and learn to be over my codependency and Love&Relationship addiction issues.
love....EMma
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
the actual start of it all
SO apparently today or tonite is the first day that counts as fasting.
hmmmm.. mixed emotions.. overtly mixed emotions....like no bueno man!! well i know it's the consequences i have to pay but im just gonna say it.. it's exhausting and it sucks.
well it was exhausting so i learned a few key steps that is helpful.. helpful to those reading this blog..wink ..wink.. haha.
anywyas. yeah so i learned to surrender, pray then obey...
those three in order. hmm.. what's your face.. ehehe this is so much easier said then done for me cause im getting to know what i'm like when im pushed under pressure and i used to just rebel and run away, do the opposite thing.
anyways. so i found more clarity that i really wanted...
first when i talked to my spiritual dad, I received from God that this thing that's going on is another way that the devil is trying to take me down in... i was so like mad and relieved that a revelation was given to me. this is like the same attack when i had my car accident. It's not as massive but it was still an attack none the less.
so i understand that i need to stand even stronger. develop perseverance... know that God loves me and forgives me... so i don't need to feel guilty anymore and I can remember that God has died for my sins.
im tired of running my own life. It's time that i hand over the pen of my life and give it over to God so that he can write the most wonderful love story that he has in store for me already.
good nite.
hmmmm.. mixed emotions.. overtly mixed emotions....like no bueno man!! well i know it's the consequences i have to pay but im just gonna say it.. it's exhausting and it sucks.
well it was exhausting so i learned a few key steps that is helpful.. helpful to those reading this blog..wink ..wink.. haha.
anywyas. yeah so i learned to surrender, pray then obey...
those three in order. hmm.. what's your face.. ehehe this is so much easier said then done for me cause im getting to know what i'm like when im pushed under pressure and i used to just rebel and run away, do the opposite thing.
anyways. so i found more clarity that i really wanted...
first when i talked to my spiritual dad, I received from God that this thing that's going on is another way that the devil is trying to take me down in... i was so like mad and relieved that a revelation was given to me. this is like the same attack when i had my car accident. It's not as massive but it was still an attack none the less.
so i understand that i need to stand even stronger. develop perseverance... know that God loves me and forgives me... so i don't need to feel guilty anymore and I can remember that God has died for my sins.
im tired of running my own life. It's time that i hand over the pen of my life and give it over to God so that he can write the most wonderful love story that he has in store for me already.
good nite.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
daily tasks
crappy.
everyday. go to school. exhausted after school cause i didnt eat a lot. take a nap cause i can't go anywhere else. feel sad cause all i see is my house and can only talk to people on the phone.
forced to be at home so might as well sleep... feeling blehhhh cause im at HOMe... alll the time...
don't want to feel depressed but sometimes I do. The joy of the Lord and His exsistence is the only thing keeping me going... i should change my attitude and be happy that I get to spend time with God but I can't
i feel sad and i want to get out... out be with friends... so i can stop thinking about all these things.
sometimes i feel like im just keeping things in and still can cope with a lot of things for now.. but somtimes i think soon i will blow up and just rebel.. im trying so hard for that time to not happen and fight myself...
i just need a release of down time whre i don't have to think about not seeing him and not missing him...
I guess this is the consequences but im human... i can't take it.
crying helps i guess. Jesus comforts me too.
blehhh
everyday. go to school. exhausted after school cause i didnt eat a lot. take a nap cause i can't go anywhere else. feel sad cause all i see is my house and can only talk to people on the phone.
forced to be at home so might as well sleep... feeling blehhhh cause im at HOMe... alll the time...
don't want to feel depressed but sometimes I do. The joy of the Lord and His exsistence is the only thing keeping me going... i should change my attitude and be happy that I get to spend time with God but I can't
i feel sad and i want to get out... out be with friends... so i can stop thinking about all these things.
sometimes i feel like im just keeping things in and still can cope with a lot of things for now.. but somtimes i think soon i will blow up and just rebel.. im trying so hard for that time to not happen and fight myself...
i just need a release of down time whre i don't have to think about not seeing him and not missing him...
I guess this is the consequences but im human... i can't take it.
crying helps i guess. Jesus comforts me too.
blehhh
Monday, October 5, 2009
Reading the book
Im reading "When God Writes Your Love Story"
where I am at right now... it just seems so much easier to let GOd take control of my love story. Give him the pen to my book and let Him write my love story. Im so tired of feeling the pain, the anger, the hurt, the heart breaks that this world offers because of taking matters into my own hand...
I guess I do reap what I sew. It sucks seeing the guy that I thought was for me being with someone else.. it sucks right now but I do not have any right to possess any emotions about the guy cause he belongs to God.. so all i can do right now is be thankful that He is processing me. He is processing my response and reaction in this situation so that I can have a better reaction regarding this matter in the future. I thank you God that you still accept me the way I am. I thank you that you still love me despite of my sins, my short comings and my wrong choices... I choose to repent today and from now on. I will strive to not rebel against your word. I will put all my effort in being rebellious to sticking to the standards of this world. NO more will i follow the standards of this world regarding dating, regarding walking with you JEsus.
I love you and I want to be with you forever. Feel your presence in my life and experience your blessings that you have in store for me. I thank you that you discipline me because it proves that I a legitamitelly your daughter. Thank you for giving me value and that in your eyes I am more valuable than the most expensive diamond that exist in this world. Thank you for giving the crown of life. Thank you for wrapping your love in my life and watching my every step that I take even though I make a lot of mistakes. Thank you for catching me when I fall and never judging me for what I did wrong but just forgiving me for my past mistake and accepting me where I am at right now.
I know God never waste a hurt. He will use this situation for my good and for the good of others. I am thankful that God wants to use me and bless me. I pray that God gives me the strength to persevere and continue on being a soldier. I pray that I can have the self control to fight off and flee from temptation that the devil throws at me. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws, addiction, and wrongs but God is gracious. He gives me all that I need at the right time and place.
I don't want to be over pressured anymore. I don't want to be drained because of all this unnessecarry drama anymore. I don't want to be the cause of other people running away from God. I apologize if I have hurt anyone who is involved in this situation. That is not my intention at all.... Sometimes Love happens... it just comes around... I can't control who I like. I have a right to my emotions but I know that I can't operate on my emotions...
SO with that said... all that has been done in the past stays there... I can't change anything from the past. I can only learn from my mistake, take the good things out of it and continue on being a champion for Christ... Repent and turn from my old ways and forgive myself of the feeling of guilt.
God is a God of second chances and He will continue loving me... so Now I CHOOSE to obey you God. You and no one else. Fear you and no one else... Not to worry about what other people think of me and just be thankful that you surround me with people who cares for me so much that they are willing to give up their time to mentor me, discipline me and just love on me...
Thank you Jesus.
where I am at right now... it just seems so much easier to let GOd take control of my love story. Give him the pen to my book and let Him write my love story. Im so tired of feeling the pain, the anger, the hurt, the heart breaks that this world offers because of taking matters into my own hand...
I guess I do reap what I sew. It sucks seeing the guy that I thought was for me being with someone else.. it sucks right now but I do not have any right to possess any emotions about the guy cause he belongs to God.. so all i can do right now is be thankful that He is processing me. He is processing my response and reaction in this situation so that I can have a better reaction regarding this matter in the future. I thank you God that you still accept me the way I am. I thank you that you still love me despite of my sins, my short comings and my wrong choices... I choose to repent today and from now on. I will strive to not rebel against your word. I will put all my effort in being rebellious to sticking to the standards of this world. NO more will i follow the standards of this world regarding dating, regarding walking with you JEsus.
I love you and I want to be with you forever. Feel your presence in my life and experience your blessings that you have in store for me. I thank you that you discipline me because it proves that I a legitamitelly your daughter. Thank you for giving me value and that in your eyes I am more valuable than the most expensive diamond that exist in this world. Thank you for giving the crown of life. Thank you for wrapping your love in my life and watching my every step that I take even though I make a lot of mistakes. Thank you for catching me when I fall and never judging me for what I did wrong but just forgiving me for my past mistake and accepting me where I am at right now.
I know God never waste a hurt. He will use this situation for my good and for the good of others. I am thankful that God wants to use me and bless me. I pray that God gives me the strength to persevere and continue on being a soldier. I pray that I can have the self control to fight off and flee from temptation that the devil throws at me. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws, addiction, and wrongs but God is gracious. He gives me all that I need at the right time and place.
I don't want to be over pressured anymore. I don't want to be drained because of all this unnessecarry drama anymore. I don't want to be the cause of other people running away from God. I apologize if I have hurt anyone who is involved in this situation. That is not my intention at all.... Sometimes Love happens... it just comes around... I can't control who I like. I have a right to my emotions but I know that I can't operate on my emotions...
SO with that said... all that has been done in the past stays there... I can't change anything from the past. I can only learn from my mistake, take the good things out of it and continue on being a champion for Christ... Repent and turn from my old ways and forgive myself of the feeling of guilt.
God is a God of second chances and He will continue loving me... so Now I CHOOSE to obey you God. You and no one else. Fear you and no one else... Not to worry about what other people think of me and just be thankful that you surround me with people who cares for me so much that they are willing to give up their time to mentor me, discipline me and just love on me...
Thank you Jesus.
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