oh what a wonderful night

As i was practicing music with steven for this sat's show, i can't help but have the words to his song hit my heart so deep.
some of the verses goes like this.
"Leaving you was the biggest mistake that i've ever done
and I know that things will never be the same"
"don't forget the moments that we share
don't forget the what we have"

i can't help but feel a sting in my heart as i play this song but I can really smile now. I have finally not let all the pressure and stress get to my head. I accept all the things that's happened and just try to step my perspective back. That all the love i need as of now is God's love. That is the love that i really need to know as of now. If i don't learn NOW how great his love is for me, how much he loves ever since I was created by his hand and was placed in my mother's womb, then i think it will be harder for me to learn in when im having another replacement that i put in my life as my God.
if that makes sense at all...
sigh.
i still miss you. i still wished i didn't decide things on my own. i wished i listened to my mentor..
but the best thing i can do right now is to obey Jesus in him telling me to prioritize my family, school, and ministry. I will never be done being processed by God... and i'm certainly am not done being proceeseed in the area of receiving attention from the right male figure, my father on earth. This is one priority that i need to work on.

I want to start off the year right. i want my heart to be right with God... no more feeling condemn, guilty or following what my flesh wants and have instant gratification.
I will learn to wait upon God and learn to love Him with all my heart, my body and my soul.
that would be an amazing spiritual high.
thats all for now.
i can say, describe, explain so many things.. i don't know if it's going to make a difference.
i'm willing to do anything i can so that i don't add on to the hurts in your heart.
my last words will be this.
my love does not fade away just like that. everyday i think about you and hoped of a better situation between us. I can't change the past but I can better my future. I will seek God so that i will be processed to be the best me... someday i can make someone happy but only when God gives me the go. Then i know in my heart God will bless me in evrything that I am in.
I pray that you will get closer to God so much more. The most appealing thing will be that one day you will be a man that seek's after God's own heart. i will be able to see that God really does live in you and that your old self has died. That's an exciting life to be living in.
i will miss you and i hope i will be able to express all my feelings, be true to my feelings and help you get the piece of mind of all that happened.
"tonite i'll be missing you"... this is see you later chubbie bunnie