I was playing piano for music practice tonite. TO my surprise i was actually not sad about not going to the ball because i was having a good time tonite.
I had to play some songs on the piano for practice.. but all of a sudden at the end, my fingers came to play this song.
Oceans apart, day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice, on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to neverhow can we say forever
(chorus)
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be right here, waiting for you
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all The times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby,You've got me going crazy
(chorus)
I wonder how we can survive, this romance
But in the end if I'm with you, I'll take the chance
Oh you can't see it baby
You've got me going crazy
omg. man. then one of the people i was practicing made a comment. and he said this is my fav song 10 years ago when i was young.. he was soo not young 10 yrs ago.. but n e ways i had a good time surprisingly...
my heart wont break anymore.
i will wait patiently for you GOd.
I won't rush into things or funtion based on my feelings
I know that your plans for me are plans to give me HOPE and a FUTURE.
Plans to PROSPER me and NOT to HARM ME.
I believe that all things will work for the good of those who loves you. To Those
who have been called according to your purposes (Rom. 8:28).
I pray that i can keep my purity that GOd has allowed me to keep till this moment of my life.
I pray that i can reserve that respect to my future hubby.
That one day when i have to confess everything about my past that
there wont be a lot of junks and bad stuff that i've done that will make
me ashame of myself or will break his heart.
I pray that 1st and foremost i can fall in love with God first.
That he can fill in all the cracks and holes in my heart.
I pray that i can experience GOd deeper.
I pray that by commiting to Him, that i can make an impact to our generation who
so badly needs His love and compassion.
To the lost generation who's been hurt because of all the junks that's bombarding their lives
day in and out.
In the end. I know my parents will be proud of me.
I know God loves me and he'll be my number one supporter in everything that i do.
I thank you that so many people loves me, cares for me, pays attention to me.
Rebukes me when i need it, loves me when i need it, encourages me when i am down,
hugs me when i need love, give up their time when i need to talk,
text me when i miss getting txtes..., just show me they care by being there for me.
Today eventhough it is hard, i am rejoicing... i will learn to worship my God and throw away all
my idols that took place in my life before. SOmetimes i feel like im unworthy for HIs love or forgiveness but thanks to God because he broke that barrier in my mind.
I am worthy, I am important enough to be forgiven and to be loved by Him... I am thankful that GOd sees me as the person who He has created me to be.
Today i smile for God because of HIs unfailing LOVE
<3>
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thank Goodness
Life is a little bit better.
I read this today at some site. it's surprisingly very true. No Magic, No Secrets:Stop looking for love. It doesn't work that way. Focus on your self-improvement. Extend yourself to others. Present the best person you can to those you encounter. Love will find you.
Are you a Jerk:Women are used to dealing with jerks. They have "jerk radar" and special jerk-avoidance strategies. They discuss this among themselves all the time. If you are a jerk or have jerk-like tendencies, you are doomed until you change. It's just that simple.
Flirting:You should be flirting at every opportunity. Flirting is all about conversation. The way to a woman's heart is through her ear. Hence, you need to speak to as many women as possible every day. You are not rude, aggressive, threatening -- just friendly. A bit of friendly small talk never hurt anyone.Don't Live for Love, Love to Live:You were happy before you met her and if things don't work out you will be happy afterwards. So this is the secret. It's not a Porsche, ripped abs or the right pair of sunglasses. You are a pleasure to be with because you are basically happy with yourself and your life. Things are just better when you are around.
Meeting Her Friends N Family:When meeting her friends and family, remember, you are about to be put on display. Listen twice as much as you talk; drink very little, if at all; and try to keep the evening reasonably short. All you have to do is relax, let her do the work and avoid stupid mistakes.
Friendship:If you can be successful at becoming friends with a woman you have the basis for building a relationship with any woman. You need to develop the skills and have the experience. Besides, you can never have too many friends.
so true.. hmm.. haha.
anyways. well today i finally sat at a sewing machine at school.. it was so cool.. i was in awe that i finally get to be in the sewing lab.. to realize that i am one day closer to my calling. It's a really great feeling. Today's been one of the better day in a while. I'm glad to say that God is really merciful. LIke today's devo.. we'll i wrote about it already but yah. i'm just learning to not complain.
today after school, i was so tired cause of the lack of sleep from last nite and the stress from this week.
I knocked out man!! then everytime i spend time with my mom she always reminds me about him haha... i guess it's a good thing that i opened up to her cause i have a guidance from the one person that i really trust. ANd it's so weird about what she said today. In front of Stater Brother's before we went in to the store she said this.
IF God shows you who your soul mate is, then it'll be two more years...
I don't know if she meant two more years till i can get married or two more years until i go into courtship. THis is totaly what i kept in my heart and to have her say it to me just confirms it for me. I think she said two years because that's when i'll be done with school. SHe knows how crazy i can get during school and how stressful a lot of situation can be for me when more loads like relationships, are added on my plate.
woow. so I guess now i just need to share with my dad. Im definetily sure he will have a lot more wisdom regarding my life and this thing that i'm going through.
sigh.
=)
*-^
I read this today at some site. it's surprisingly very true. No Magic, No Secrets:Stop looking for love. It doesn't work that way. Focus on your self-improvement. Extend yourself to others. Present the best person you can to those you encounter. Love will find you.
Are you a Jerk:Women are used to dealing with jerks. They have "jerk radar" and special jerk-avoidance strategies. They discuss this among themselves all the time. If you are a jerk or have jerk-like tendencies, you are doomed until you change. It's just that simple.
Flirting:You should be flirting at every opportunity. Flirting is all about conversation. The way to a woman's heart is through her ear. Hence, you need to speak to as many women as possible every day. You are not rude, aggressive, threatening -- just friendly. A bit of friendly small talk never hurt anyone.Don't Live for Love, Love to Live:You were happy before you met her and if things don't work out you will be happy afterwards. So this is the secret. It's not a Porsche, ripped abs or the right pair of sunglasses. You are a pleasure to be with because you are basically happy with yourself and your life. Things are just better when you are around.
Meeting Her Friends N Family:When meeting her friends and family, remember, you are about to be put on display. Listen twice as much as you talk; drink very little, if at all; and try to keep the evening reasonably short. All you have to do is relax, let her do the work and avoid stupid mistakes.
Friendship:If you can be successful at becoming friends with a woman you have the basis for building a relationship with any woman. You need to develop the skills and have the experience. Besides, you can never have too many friends.
so true.. hmm.. haha.
anyways. well today i finally sat at a sewing machine at school.. it was so cool.. i was in awe that i finally get to be in the sewing lab.. to realize that i am one day closer to my calling. It's a really great feeling. Today's been one of the better day in a while. I'm glad to say that God is really merciful. LIke today's devo.. we'll i wrote about it already but yah. i'm just learning to not complain.
today after school, i was so tired cause of the lack of sleep from last nite and the stress from this week.
I knocked out man!! then everytime i spend time with my mom she always reminds me about him haha... i guess it's a good thing that i opened up to her cause i have a guidance from the one person that i really trust. ANd it's so weird about what she said today. In front of Stater Brother's before we went in to the store she said this.
IF God shows you who your soul mate is, then it'll be two more years...
I don't know if she meant two more years till i can get married or two more years until i go into courtship. THis is totaly what i kept in my heart and to have her say it to me just confirms it for me. I think she said two years because that's when i'll be done with school. SHe knows how crazy i can get during school and how stressful a lot of situation can be for me when more loads like relationships, are added on my plate.
woow. so I guess now i just need to share with my dad. Im definetily sure he will have a lot more wisdom regarding my life and this thing that i'm going through.
sigh.
=)
*-^
the end starts with saying Goodbye
1. bye
2. hello
3. tired.
4. I guess i need to let everything go and lay it all under the cross. I have to let God take control.
I'm not going to start hurting myself or anyone else again by being in this same situation.
i have to move forward and keep on holding on to the hope Jesus gave me.
it sucks to be in this situation. omg i can't believe it you're so slow sometimes...
all i'll think about now is my birthday party in November will have to be that much more awesome than before since i can't do anything this month...
so it's a love lockdown from God. and i shouldn't see it any other way...
so life is not such a merry-go-round right now because even if i say I believe Him, i still haven't let Him take full control.. i know all He is asking is just for me to come after Him but there are a lot of stuff in my head i need to sort through with Him.. nothing else to say other than that.
so the end of this chapter in my life starts with saying....
"Goodbye old me... Hello the new me.. by Nov 7th."
something awesome will come. I believe it =)
2. hello
3. tired.
4. I guess i need to let everything go and lay it all under the cross. I have to let God take control.
I'm not going to start hurting myself or anyone else again by being in this same situation.
i have to move forward and keep on holding on to the hope Jesus gave me.
it sucks to be in this situation. omg i can't believe it you're so slow sometimes...
all i'll think about now is my birthday party in November will have to be that much more awesome than before since i can't do anything this month...
so it's a love lockdown from God. and i shouldn't see it any other way...
so life is not such a merry-go-round right now because even if i say I believe Him, i still haven't let Him take full control.. i know all He is asking is just for me to come after Him but there are a lot of stuff in my head i need to sort through with Him.. nothing else to say other than that.
so the end of this chapter in my life starts with saying....
"Goodbye old me... Hello the new me.. by Nov 7th."
something awesome will come. I believe it =)
The actual definition of insanity
Doing things over and over again the same way but expecting different result..
THus: me where i'm at= hitting my head against the wall and thinking about what happened over and over again.. and asking myself why i feel like this.
so to not be insane means to not thinking the same way over and over again, accept God's forgiveness and move on.
this is drama. lust fest. craziness. insanity. not important. did i mention craziness yet?
i'm not someone God wants me to become... so tonite.. pergi ke cell... dapet txt. tapi di delete same temen for my own good.. comprende!!
hurt people hurt people.. i say i care but really if i do care then i will let all this go. Just let God take control and do his magic.. but if i don't let him then i will keep on hurting myself and i will keep on hurting the other person. wohh.. simple but such a revelation..
anywys. im paddling to nowhere in my life.. just having temporary happiness that i know in my heart can not last because i just don't feel peace when i think about the future if i keep on going this route....
so wat's it to you if you know who the one is.. to be honest this is something i shouldn't be even playing about in my mind... this is like fire to me right now.. and when I play with fire, i'll get burn. get hurt, get exhausted trying to do this on my own, get distracted during the day at school, in the middle of the nite at home and when im at my most vulnerable moment.
ok. i want to be done. listening to country music sucks cause it reminds me of when i used to hang out with him. thinking about it no bueno so i will stop. I choose to stop because my brain can't take it. my body can't take it. my tear duct can't take it anymore. im done being pushed around and just getting attacked all the time.
so I surrender to you God and make a commitment to let all this go.. not as a show for other people, not to please other people anymore but for you. The only one who truly knows me and loves me unconditionally.
The End... can the old me (my old life) die and let me be a brand new Creature and live the life God has set for me?
Amen. Jesus Thank you for your cross.
goodbye. there will be no more response. there can't be anymore interaction. i can't do anything else for you, with you. i must run to God and make him my God and not u.
i have to do it to really be able to experience God's love and learn to be over my codependency and Love&Relationship addiction issues.
love....EMma
THus: me where i'm at= hitting my head against the wall and thinking about what happened over and over again.. and asking myself why i feel like this.
so to not be insane means to not thinking the same way over and over again, accept God's forgiveness and move on.
this is drama. lust fest. craziness. insanity. not important. did i mention craziness yet?
i'm not someone God wants me to become... so tonite.. pergi ke cell... dapet txt. tapi di delete same temen for my own good.. comprende!!
hurt people hurt people.. i say i care but really if i do care then i will let all this go. Just let God take control and do his magic.. but if i don't let him then i will keep on hurting myself and i will keep on hurting the other person. wohh.. simple but such a revelation..
anywys. im paddling to nowhere in my life.. just having temporary happiness that i know in my heart can not last because i just don't feel peace when i think about the future if i keep on going this route....
so wat's it to you if you know who the one is.. to be honest this is something i shouldn't be even playing about in my mind... this is like fire to me right now.. and when I play with fire, i'll get burn. get hurt, get exhausted trying to do this on my own, get distracted during the day at school, in the middle of the nite at home and when im at my most vulnerable moment.
ok. i want to be done. listening to country music sucks cause it reminds me of when i used to hang out with him. thinking about it no bueno so i will stop. I choose to stop because my brain can't take it. my body can't take it. my tear duct can't take it anymore. im done being pushed around and just getting attacked all the time.
so I surrender to you God and make a commitment to let all this go.. not as a show for other people, not to please other people anymore but for you. The only one who truly knows me and loves me unconditionally.
The End... can the old me (my old life) die and let me be a brand new Creature and live the life God has set for me?
Amen. Jesus Thank you for your cross.
goodbye. there will be no more response. there can't be anymore interaction. i can't do anything else for you, with you. i must run to God and make him my God and not u.
i have to do it to really be able to experience God's love and learn to be over my codependency and Love&Relationship addiction issues.
love....EMma
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
the actual start of it all
SO apparently today or tonite is the first day that counts as fasting.
hmmmm.. mixed emotions.. overtly mixed emotions....like no bueno man!! well i know it's the consequences i have to pay but im just gonna say it.. it's exhausting and it sucks.
well it was exhausting so i learned a few key steps that is helpful.. helpful to those reading this blog..wink ..wink.. haha.
anywyas. yeah so i learned to surrender, pray then obey...
those three in order. hmm.. what's your face.. ehehe this is so much easier said then done for me cause im getting to know what i'm like when im pushed under pressure and i used to just rebel and run away, do the opposite thing.
anyways. so i found more clarity that i really wanted...
first when i talked to my spiritual dad, I received from God that this thing that's going on is another way that the devil is trying to take me down in... i was so like mad and relieved that a revelation was given to me. this is like the same attack when i had my car accident. It's not as massive but it was still an attack none the less.
so i understand that i need to stand even stronger. develop perseverance... know that God loves me and forgives me... so i don't need to feel guilty anymore and I can remember that God has died for my sins.
im tired of running my own life. It's time that i hand over the pen of my life and give it over to God so that he can write the most wonderful love story that he has in store for me already.
good nite.
hmmmm.. mixed emotions.. overtly mixed emotions....like no bueno man!! well i know it's the consequences i have to pay but im just gonna say it.. it's exhausting and it sucks.
well it was exhausting so i learned a few key steps that is helpful.. helpful to those reading this blog..wink ..wink.. haha.
anywyas. yeah so i learned to surrender, pray then obey...
those three in order. hmm.. what's your face.. ehehe this is so much easier said then done for me cause im getting to know what i'm like when im pushed under pressure and i used to just rebel and run away, do the opposite thing.
anyways. so i found more clarity that i really wanted...
first when i talked to my spiritual dad, I received from God that this thing that's going on is another way that the devil is trying to take me down in... i was so like mad and relieved that a revelation was given to me. this is like the same attack when i had my car accident. It's not as massive but it was still an attack none the less.
so i understand that i need to stand even stronger. develop perseverance... know that God loves me and forgives me... so i don't need to feel guilty anymore and I can remember that God has died for my sins.
im tired of running my own life. It's time that i hand over the pen of my life and give it over to God so that he can write the most wonderful love story that he has in store for me already.
good nite.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
daily tasks
crappy.
everyday. go to school. exhausted after school cause i didnt eat a lot. take a nap cause i can't go anywhere else. feel sad cause all i see is my house and can only talk to people on the phone.
forced to be at home so might as well sleep... feeling blehhhh cause im at HOMe... alll the time...
don't want to feel depressed but sometimes I do. The joy of the Lord and His exsistence is the only thing keeping me going... i should change my attitude and be happy that I get to spend time with God but I can't
i feel sad and i want to get out... out be with friends... so i can stop thinking about all these things.
sometimes i feel like im just keeping things in and still can cope with a lot of things for now.. but somtimes i think soon i will blow up and just rebel.. im trying so hard for that time to not happen and fight myself...
i just need a release of down time whre i don't have to think about not seeing him and not missing him...
I guess this is the consequences but im human... i can't take it.
crying helps i guess. Jesus comforts me too.
blehhh
everyday. go to school. exhausted after school cause i didnt eat a lot. take a nap cause i can't go anywhere else. feel sad cause all i see is my house and can only talk to people on the phone.
forced to be at home so might as well sleep... feeling blehhhh cause im at HOMe... alll the time...
don't want to feel depressed but sometimes I do. The joy of the Lord and His exsistence is the only thing keeping me going... i should change my attitude and be happy that I get to spend time with God but I can't
i feel sad and i want to get out... out be with friends... so i can stop thinking about all these things.
sometimes i feel like im just keeping things in and still can cope with a lot of things for now.. but somtimes i think soon i will blow up and just rebel.. im trying so hard for that time to not happen and fight myself...
i just need a release of down time whre i don't have to think about not seeing him and not missing him...
I guess this is the consequences but im human... i can't take it.
crying helps i guess. Jesus comforts me too.
blehhh
Monday, October 5, 2009
Reading the book
Im reading "When God Writes Your Love Story"
where I am at right now... it just seems so much easier to let GOd take control of my love story. Give him the pen to my book and let Him write my love story. Im so tired of feeling the pain, the anger, the hurt, the heart breaks that this world offers because of taking matters into my own hand...
I guess I do reap what I sew. It sucks seeing the guy that I thought was for me being with someone else.. it sucks right now but I do not have any right to possess any emotions about the guy cause he belongs to God.. so all i can do right now is be thankful that He is processing me. He is processing my response and reaction in this situation so that I can have a better reaction regarding this matter in the future. I thank you God that you still accept me the way I am. I thank you that you still love me despite of my sins, my short comings and my wrong choices... I choose to repent today and from now on. I will strive to not rebel against your word. I will put all my effort in being rebellious to sticking to the standards of this world. NO more will i follow the standards of this world regarding dating, regarding walking with you JEsus.
I love you and I want to be with you forever. Feel your presence in my life and experience your blessings that you have in store for me. I thank you that you discipline me because it proves that I a legitamitelly your daughter. Thank you for giving me value and that in your eyes I am more valuable than the most expensive diamond that exist in this world. Thank you for giving the crown of life. Thank you for wrapping your love in my life and watching my every step that I take even though I make a lot of mistakes. Thank you for catching me when I fall and never judging me for what I did wrong but just forgiving me for my past mistake and accepting me where I am at right now.
I know God never waste a hurt. He will use this situation for my good and for the good of others. I am thankful that God wants to use me and bless me. I pray that God gives me the strength to persevere and continue on being a soldier. I pray that I can have the self control to fight off and flee from temptation that the devil throws at me. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws, addiction, and wrongs but God is gracious. He gives me all that I need at the right time and place.
I don't want to be over pressured anymore. I don't want to be drained because of all this unnessecarry drama anymore. I don't want to be the cause of other people running away from God. I apologize if I have hurt anyone who is involved in this situation. That is not my intention at all.... Sometimes Love happens... it just comes around... I can't control who I like. I have a right to my emotions but I know that I can't operate on my emotions...
SO with that said... all that has been done in the past stays there... I can't change anything from the past. I can only learn from my mistake, take the good things out of it and continue on being a champion for Christ... Repent and turn from my old ways and forgive myself of the feeling of guilt.
God is a God of second chances and He will continue loving me... so Now I CHOOSE to obey you God. You and no one else. Fear you and no one else... Not to worry about what other people think of me and just be thankful that you surround me with people who cares for me so much that they are willing to give up their time to mentor me, discipline me and just love on me...
Thank you Jesus.
where I am at right now... it just seems so much easier to let GOd take control of my love story. Give him the pen to my book and let Him write my love story. Im so tired of feeling the pain, the anger, the hurt, the heart breaks that this world offers because of taking matters into my own hand...
I guess I do reap what I sew. It sucks seeing the guy that I thought was for me being with someone else.. it sucks right now but I do not have any right to possess any emotions about the guy cause he belongs to God.. so all i can do right now is be thankful that He is processing me. He is processing my response and reaction in this situation so that I can have a better reaction regarding this matter in the future. I thank you God that you still accept me the way I am. I thank you that you still love me despite of my sins, my short comings and my wrong choices... I choose to repent today and from now on. I will strive to not rebel against your word. I will put all my effort in being rebellious to sticking to the standards of this world. NO more will i follow the standards of this world regarding dating, regarding walking with you JEsus.
I love you and I want to be with you forever. Feel your presence in my life and experience your blessings that you have in store for me. I thank you that you discipline me because it proves that I a legitamitelly your daughter. Thank you for giving me value and that in your eyes I am more valuable than the most expensive diamond that exist in this world. Thank you for giving the crown of life. Thank you for wrapping your love in my life and watching my every step that I take even though I make a lot of mistakes. Thank you for catching me when I fall and never judging me for what I did wrong but just forgiving me for my past mistake and accepting me where I am at right now.
I know God never waste a hurt. He will use this situation for my good and for the good of others. I am thankful that God wants to use me and bless me. I pray that God gives me the strength to persevere and continue on being a soldier. I pray that I can have the self control to fight off and flee from temptation that the devil throws at me. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws, addiction, and wrongs but God is gracious. He gives me all that I need at the right time and place.
I don't want to be over pressured anymore. I don't want to be drained because of all this unnessecarry drama anymore. I don't want to be the cause of other people running away from God. I apologize if I have hurt anyone who is involved in this situation. That is not my intention at all.... Sometimes Love happens... it just comes around... I can't control who I like. I have a right to my emotions but I know that I can't operate on my emotions...
SO with that said... all that has been done in the past stays there... I can't change anything from the past. I can only learn from my mistake, take the good things out of it and continue on being a champion for Christ... Repent and turn from my old ways and forgive myself of the feeling of guilt.
God is a God of second chances and He will continue loving me... so Now I CHOOSE to obey you God. You and no one else. Fear you and no one else... Not to worry about what other people think of me and just be thankful that you surround me with people who cares for me so much that they are willing to give up their time to mentor me, discipline me and just love on me...
Thank you Jesus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
